The Wheels Come Off When You Let the Emotional Divorce Drive the Legal Divorce
THE EMOTIONAL DIVORCE vs. THE LEGAL DIVORCE
People generally do not enter into marriage as a business partnership, yet at the time of a divorce, California divorce laws treat the marriage dissolution as a business transaction.
| We got into the marriage for: | When marriage does not work, we go through the Emotional Divorce: | When you terminate the marriage, the Legal Divorce Laws apply: |
| Love | Anger | Now, you are business partners |
| Commitment | Distrust | Breach of fiduciary duty issues for acting as you did before separation |
| Children | Alienation | Automatic restraining orders go into effect – what you can and can not do with your assets (can’t transfer, encumber, etc.) |
| Family | Polarization | Can’t acquire new assets |
| Companionship | Loss of Companionship | Can’t sell without Court Order |
| Emotional Support | Loneliness | Become a guarantor of financial decisions |
| Financial Support | Grief over the Loss of a Friend | Risk sanctions/fees/contempt of Court |
| To Build a Life Together | Fear of Unknown | |
| To Acquire Assets | Disappointment | |
| To Grow Together | Cling to Assets (that don’t have a lot of economic value) |
The mediator’s job is to help the parties through the legal divorce. You should understand that it often takes years to get through the emotional divorce. Some people take a lifetime to work through the emotional divorce.
Mediators understand the emotional pain and turmoil caused by a divorce, but our role as mediators is to focus on resolution of issues by helping you arrive at an agreement and getting you through the Legal process.
The mediation process will progress as quickly, or as slowly, as the slower of the two of you desire. Do not allow the emotional divorce to influence how you act. This will allow you and your spouse to successfully and efficiently mediate and resolve your disputes.
Previously in the Preparing for Divorce Mediation Series: The Goals of Mediation
Next in the Preparing for Divorce Mediation Series: How to Choose a Mediator and How a Mediator Should Act – Sincerity
Click here for a Full Summary of the Preparing for Divorce Mediation Series.
